Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No I am not eating basil off your cock
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
