Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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