Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
