Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
