I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
