I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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