so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I touched a dick in church today
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
