why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
