WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
