just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize