Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it glows. i had to have it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
