I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
