I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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