please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
