I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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