you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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