i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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