My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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