it wasn't lemon gatorade
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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