If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think people are normalizing furries
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
