At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
