it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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