you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
