$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
