i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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