i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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