I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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