He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
