He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
