I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
