she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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