brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize