you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
