it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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