i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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