You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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