How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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