she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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