well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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