I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
