I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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