Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
