Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I AM VODKA MAN
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
