4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize