so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
