It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
