Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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