You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
