great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
