You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
