I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
