New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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