The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
