this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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