You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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