i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
