Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
