That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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