You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize