He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
