She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
