just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Two words: blizzard sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
