OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
