Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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