"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
