I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
