This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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